Saturday, January 17, 2015

Conciousness And Originality

Hey.. So I'm here reading my old stuff and I find something interesting I once wrote. I pick up a pen, a paper and start writing again, editing the same stuff and adding something new to it. what I get is a bunch merged up weedy thoughts that might make a publishable post. but I don't think people would appreciate it so it all ends up as a draft. then a pretty little girl comes along and reads it and loves it, making me think that why do I need an approval at the first place? lets make mistakes right ?? the thinking turtle says "write or I'll shit on you!" so here goes..

It starts with a question. What is my originality? There was a time when I felt distant from everything. I used to have this strange feeling than anything and everything going through my mind is inessential. I grew emotionless, unable to feel the importance of anything. My body, my goals, my family, my past, my present, none of it seemed to effect me. That was a trip. I used to be curious about a particular field of knowledge though.

Everything I feel, every thought I have, every move I make, all my reactions to each and every event, is absorbed from what has been around me. What is my original self then - was the question I used to ask myself again and again. I felt that I'm not on my own, which was the most bothering thought to be as I've always preferred to be on my own. But why am I - was a new question. Why the eff was I brought into existence? Because my parents wanted a child, which in turn would have been a result of a chain of events, each serving the purpose of the former event. And maybe that's what the eternal knot shows. Everything is connected.

That was the time when i didn't feel the importance of anything and just looked at my body as a vessel that contains me. I had this moment when I felt my presence aside my conciseness. And that was something I can not explain. More I try to explain it, more I see me losing the authenticity of that moment. Don't know what exactly was it but it triggered me to write this post, and again to ask myself the question "what is my originality". Everything I am is made up of what is around me, what i absorbed since the start of my existence. I am because of the existence around me and the world is the display of my conciseness. That's where I tripped.

" the world around me is the display of my conciseness" does that mean the world could be an illusion?

I am able to understand that I am not a pure individual form,  being a part of this world and the existence as a whole. Still among other individuals, I have my own individuality, which does depend on the presence of others. I can not realise my individuality of I'm not surrounded by others. It's like the yin and yang. I am a drop in the ocean, not alone. The souls, the ancestors, the minds are present and working along with me to guide me as I develop a vision.

I am the master of the universe, but that universe is just my own. My own perception, that defines my guilt and my satisfaction. In the same universe though, there are other minds with dissimilar perception and hence, different worlds. So me being the master of my own universe does not serve the fact that everything else is not real, which means that you as my reader are as real as my own conciousness and you sharing this post will do me as real good as somebody making me feel loved. feel me? So make me feel loved will you.